Love With Strings Attached | AMOR CONDICIONAL

By 29th September 2023 Uncategorised

If you knew that your parents loved you while you were growing up, you might assume that you should be immune to problems in later life. Although my family went through its fair share of trauma, I always believed that I was loved.

One day, I asked the Lord to show me why I was so full of insecurities and riddled with rejection in my adult life – even though I knew I was loved. The Holy Spirit immediately whispered two words: “Conditional love.”

What Is Conditional Love?

I had never heard the phrase before and yet I immediately understood. Those words shed light on a deep-rooted source of rejection felt by a huge proportion of people.

Conditional love is love with strings attached. When I use that phrase, you may think of a young man putting pressure on a young woman to have sex before marriage. However, that is not what I am talking about.

Perhaps you were only affirmed when you achieved. Maybe you were celebrated only when you succeeded. It could be that you were treated kindly only if you were sick. Did you ever feel that you had to earn the approval of your parents?

The Two Traits Of Conditional Love

When you believe that the love of your parents is dependent upon your behavior, it forges two personality traits. Firstly, it can makes us feel inadequate, and secondly, it creates insecurity.

We feel inadequate because we believe that we are not enough without our efforts or achievements. We feel insecure because we assume that the love of our carers could be withdrawn at any moment.

Rejection sets in because we think that “the real me” is not wanted. Living with such insecurity is exhausting. No matter how many times you are celebrated, it is not enough. There is a constant need for affirmation and approval. We never feel like we are sufficient.

God’s Original Plan

God’s original plan was that every single one of us would grow up knowing the unconditional love of both our father and our mother.  Just as a plant needs sunshine to survive, so we need the affection of our parents to thrive.

Constant cuddles tell a child that they are precious. Punctuating the day with kind smiles communicates acceptance. A regular reassuring arm around your shoulder creates security. Without words, it relays the message, ‘You’re special’.

It is not just kindness that is important. In the same way that a trellis or a bamboo cane provides the structure and support for a plant to grow tall, so our parents’ words of belief and affirmation enable us to grow and excel.

Proverbs 4:3 expresses how the ideal way parents should make us feel: “When I was my father’s son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother.” A father’s affection should be obvious and a mother’s love should make us feel like we are the only one in the world.

Love Is Available Today

Even if you didn’t know perfect love growing up, you can experience God’s healing love today. Ask Him to restore your soul and to reveal His unconditional love. The journey to security is a journey to peace and joy.

If you struggle with insecurities, God wants to heal you of the reasons why you have doubted yourself and lead you to confidence. Check out our new course Overcoming Insecurity. You can also register to join session 1 free via YouTube.

 

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